State of the Bunion

I applaud our Commander-in-chief, the Elected One, the one and only Barack Obama (and let's just say with that name he is of course the "one and only"; that's no "Robert Smith" type of name) for taking to the airwaves and the Informational Superhighway to bring up the national horror of the bunion. That scourge of the foot, that most unsightly bump, has no celebrity-sponsored charity and is generally hidden away like your grandmother's goiter.

Regardless whether you think President Obama was born in this country, or whether you think he is a rabid socialist, or whether you think his only aim in life is to take this country swiftly to ruin (by the way, if you think any of those things, you might be an idiot), you must certainly agree with me that he has not shied away from affairs of the foot. Those afflicted with bunions are crying in their beers at this very moment, knowing that relief is coming. Stem cell research might help, or perhaps studying bunions on rats. Either way, my wife will be happy. I'm not saying she has a bunion, heaven's no, outing her in that regard would be tantamount to saying she's got the ugly feets.

For the record, I like my wife's feet.

And as the president said earlier tonight, "The state of our bunion is strong." I can only assume that he will be sending me a check soon so that I can get my wife that bunion surgery.

Not that she has a bunion, mind you, this is just preventive medicine I'm talking about. Really, people, stop with the mindless rumormongering.

And now, the Republican response . . .